How to stay in your body ... and what does that even mean

I knew I shouldn't have let Lev (my four year old) drink from my water bottle. But I was too tired to go downstairs to get him his own glass. Now here I am. I've got a sore throat and a slight headache.

Germs.

I ain't mad. But I used to be. I used to resent my body when it wouldn't support my agenda, get in the way of my productivity, or cancel my fun.

I'd resent the four-day streaks of migraines that left me feeling useless and depressed. I'd resent the hormonal shifts every month that left me feeling doomed and insecure. I'd resent carrying the BRCA1 mutation that led me to surgical menopause (more about that saga later...or read my book). I'd resent the exhaustion that left me unmotivated and uncaring.

Only in the last few years, while researching for The Work Happiness Method book, did I begin to re-relate to my body.  

Before I viewed my body as the packaging for my inner self. A vessel for me: my mind and my soul. I'd take care of my body - go to yoga, lift weights, eat right, drink enough water, etc. But it always felt like something to be tended to, fixed, or tolerated. It felt secondary.

More and more I recognize that my body itself is a sacred instrument. It’s my means for making contact with the people I love, it’s my means of feeling my way through the world, it’s my means of integrating painful experiences. It's my means of transformation. It is me.  

Maybe this is obvious to you.

But I spent most of my life living in my head. And the more I develop my inner skills—the skills to relate and regulate myself—the more I realize I can’t do that in my head alone. It must be embodied. Which means I have to stay in my body.

How do we stay in our body? Did you know that was even a choice?  If you're present you're there. But presence is slippery.

It's hard to even notice where we're not in our bodies. In fact, people spend 46.9 percent of their waking hours thinking about something other than what they’re doing. Such mind-wandering makes us unhappy.

We must not abandon ourselves with our fears, anxieties, and grief. We must learn how to occupy ourselves - especially in these tough times.

Here are practical ways to stay in your body:

1. Sloooow Down – Chew slower, walk slower, speak slower. It doesn't have to be all day. Set some intentional minutes to slow down and notice what it reveals to you. Perhaps over a snack? Speed makes it easy for us to escape, avoid, or numb an experience.  

2. Check in – Several times a day, ask yourself: "Where am I right now?" As a recovering people pleaser it's automatic for me attune to everyone else's energy and not my own. Throughout the day I kindly remind myself: "It's safe to be here (in my body), come on back, I can stay." When I take a conscious breath I close my eyes and greet my body. I scan the sensations and movement within.

3. Engage your senses – Touch something textured, notice a scent, observe the weight of your body with your feet on the ground, appreciate the vibrant hues of a flower, notice the temperature of the air on your skin. Sensory input helps you stay connected.

4. Breathe, of course – Take a slow breath in through your nose, hold for a second, and exhale slowly. Longer exhales help regulate your nervous system (Porges, 2011).

5. Move lovingly – Brush your teeth gently, close the door softly, peel your orange tenderly, fold your clothes with care. Imbue your movements with love. Notice how that goes.  

Sometimes the pain of our past or present makes it difficult to stay in the body. Don't force it. Your body is wise, resourceful, and resilient. Just welcome yourself more and more when you're ready.

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