The Back Door to Happiness (It’s Not What You Think!)

Today is officially the International Day of Happiness! But let’s be real—happiness can feel like a stretch right now (it has for me at least). So try this instead: seek out togetherness.

“People really matter.” That’s the mantra of the late and great Christopher Peterson, the cofounder of positive psychology. Above and beyond money, success, and even health, our relationships are the biggest predictor of our happiness.

Not only do our social bonds shape our happiness—they literally change how we perceive the world.

In one study, participants estimating the steepness of a hill saw it as less daunting when a friend stood beside them. Even imagining a friend nearby had the same effect!

Togetherness also matters when it comes to engagement at work. According to Gallup, people who have a best friend at work are seven times more engaged, satisfied, and likely to stay at their company.

The irony is that when we’re overwhelmed or lonely, our instinct is to retreat—but that’s exactly when we need to plug back into our relationships.

Togetherness soothes our nervous system, helping us metabolize stress, while loneliness does the opposite—triggering heightened cortisol levels and further isolation in a vicious cycle. A 2023 U.S. Surgeon General report called loneliness a public health crisis, warning that chronic disconnection increases the risk of heart disease, stroke, and even early death. It's loneliness that's contributing to why the U.S. has dropped its ranking in the World Happiness Report.

We don’t just need our besties, strong social ties, to feel connected; our weak social ties matter, too. A study assessing over 50,000 people found that interacting with a diverse mix of relationships—including acquaintances and strangers—predicts higher well-being. That means chatting with your barista, the grocery clerk, or a colleague in another department isn’t just small talk—it’s fuel for your happiness.

Just like we need a balanced diet to nourish our bodies, we need a mix of strong and weak ties to nourish our well-being. So today, invest in your social portfolio. Try one of these simple actions:

1️⃣ Call or meet up with a friend—take a walk, grab coffee, or share a meal.

2️⃣ Send a note of gratitude to a colleague—acknowledge their strengths or something you appreciate.

3️⃣ Give a stranger a compliment.

4️⃣ Make eye contact with someone—a barista, a fellow commuter—and genuinely ask, “How are you?”

5️⃣ Plan a fun gathering you can look forward to—a game night, a dinner, a weekend getaway.

6️⃣ Do a small act of kindness—buy coffee for the person behind you, pick up litter, donate to a cause.

7️⃣ Listen—really listen—to a child’s story. Their joy is contagious.

8️⃣ Check in on someone who’s struggling. Let them know they’re not alone. Just listen.

9️⃣ Start a “one good thing” ritual with your colleagues—share something positive about your day.

🔟 Join a community, a class, or a group where people share your interests—whether it’s pottery, dancing, gardening, or even creating AI agents!

There's a lot we can't control, but we can at least reach out. You got this.  

Who will you connect with today? ❤️

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