Need some motivation? Try this

Every night before bedtime, we ask the kids to clean up their toys. The floor is typically covered in monster trucks, scattered Legos (ouch), a few hula hoops, and pillows.

And almost every night, we hear the same resistance: “I don’t want to clean up! I’m tired. You do it!”

This week I tried something different: I made a deal with my three-year-old: “Okay, how about you clean up the trucks, and I’ll do the Legos? We'll divide and conquer!”

“Noooooo. You help!” He insisted.

I explained logically: “I am helping. I’m taking half the work."

More whining. No progress.

I modified my approach: “Okay, okay, what if we do the trucks together?”

“Yay!!!” he cheered and happily got to work and he finished the legos, too.

When I asked my son to divide and conquer, he felt like he was on his own. All he needed to know was that we were in it together. As soon as we joined forces, he cooperated easily.

Research shows that our perception of reality shifts when we feel supported. Just knowing someone has your back makes challenges feel less challenging.

Even though we may have a team, so many of us feel alone in our work. And it’s so.damn.hard.to.motivate!

We’ve all bought into the idea of dividing and conquering. But that strategy dates back to rulers like Julius Caesar and Napoleon—who used divide et impera (Latin for “divide and rule”) to weaken unity and maintain control.

We think we’re being efficient by splitting tasks, but what if we’re actually diluting our power? Our creativity? Our well-being?

How might we make it easier to think and do things together?

Consider these simple acts to reduce the stress and resistance:

1. Body double.
This is a technique where two or more people work alongside each other to increase focus and motivation. Schedule “focus sessions” where team members work on their tasks at the same time (virtually or in person). Do “silent work sprints” in meetings—10-25 minutes of focused work, then break to share progress.

2. Ask for a thought partner.
Sometimes we just need to talk something out: "Hey, can we do a quick [coffee/zoom/call]? I could really use a thought partner to [listen/give feedback/brainstorm]." However you meet, talk, avoid slack, texting, or typing. We need to attune to each other's nervous systems in order to feel support. Seeing or hearing another person helps your body know you're supported.

3. Don't forget to add the phrase: how can I support you?
When making a plan, hearing an idea, if a colleague is stressed, or when there is a big win... just ask, "how can I support you."

On that note, I'm wondering how I best support you? I've been playing around with some ideas - but I'd love to hear about your needs. What's keeping you up at night? If I could create a  keynote, workshop, coaching program, or app to support you right now - what would it change for you?

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